Life Quotes and Sayings With Humor
Life moves pretty fast and if you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.
Life after death is as improbable as sex after marriage.
In this life, you don’t need to prove nothing to nobody but yourself.
Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get.
We seem to have reached the age where life stops giving us things and starts taking them away.
Everything will be okay in the end, if it’s not okay, it’s not the end.
Life is a great big canvas and you should throw all the paint on it you can.
Live every day to the fullest. When going to the bathroom take a newspaper.
Drinking is not a solution, unless we are talking about alcohol.
Life is not so bad if you have plenty of luck, a good physique and not too much imagination.
Life is like a cobweb, not an organization chart.
The trouble with the rat race is, that even if you win you’re still a rat.
In life, it’s not who you know that’s important, it’s how your wife found out.
Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.
All the world’s a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.
When somebody tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football.
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
Life is just one damned thing after another.
Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.
Life is like a game of poker, if you don’t put any in the pot, there won’t be any to take out.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants and the other is getting it.
Life’s not always fair, sometimes you can get a splinter just sliding down a rainbow.
We are born wet, naked and hungry, then things get worse.
Life is rather like a tin of sardines we’re all of us looking for the key.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid doing entirely.
Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
Ability is what will get you to the top if the boss has no daughter.
When every thing’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time.
Life is just a phase you’re going through, but don’t worry, you’ll get over it.
You can’t have everything, where would you put it?
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building and after 50 floors says, So far so good!
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
Life is full of misery, loneliness and suffering and it’s all over much too soon.
For most men, life is a search for the proper Manila envelope in which to get themselves filed.
Life is like a taxi. The meter just keeps a-ticking whether you are getting somewhere or just standing still.
Life is as tedious as a twice-told tale vexing the dull ear of a drowsy man.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
Life is like eating artichokes, you have got to go through so much to get so little.
Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he’s talking about.
I think I’ve discovered the secret of life, you just hang around until you get used to it.
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